Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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