I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
