Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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