She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
