I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
