He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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