Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
