"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
