ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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