I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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