i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
