He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
