Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
