Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
