I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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