I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
