Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
