Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize