i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
