Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize