I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
