Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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