Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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