Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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