So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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