she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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