I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
