we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
