Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
