just tell him i said nine months
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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