well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize