we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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