I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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