with your own penis?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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