I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
