i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
