Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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