you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize