All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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