I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize