Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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