Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
