Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
