I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
