my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize