If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I supernannyed him into submission
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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