just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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