Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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