Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
