He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize