Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize