Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
