It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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