Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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