This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
