Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
