if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
