It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
