So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
