Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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