Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
