question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
