nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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