i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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