i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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