Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize