I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
