yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize