Your mouth is God's brothel.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
