If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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