Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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