bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
