Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
