Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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