Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
