i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
