you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
