Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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