Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
